U.S. Congress Blames Shoddy Budgetwork on Hot Twits of Weenie Gate

I wrote this post a little factiously because I do not perceive the U.S. Congress as an island of high moral standards in a nation of low-life fans of legislators. For many years the Congress has enriched the rich and increased the ranks of those dispossessed of opportunity. The Congress has some of the better and many of the worst sorts of people interested in governing.

Like righteous students complaining that they can’t concentrate on their homework because of the noise, many congress persons complain that Wienergate is a distraction preventing completion of homework on the federal budget and debt ceiling, Afghan and Iraq troop deployment levels, use of steroids in pro sports and the price of oil.

A portrait of Congressman Wiener as a kind of exceptional immoral loony failing congress’s usual aretaic ethics conversing through hot twittering below impeccable standards of an august society of supporters of abortion, legislators that believe in same sex ‘marriage’, protracted foreign wars, 14 to 20 trillion dollars of public debt and increasing concentration of wealth and disempropertyment of ordinary Americans is an unpersuasive portrait.

I would bet that many congresspersons are serial adulterers, pork barrel thieves and/or have sex as warmer weather moves them with congressional pages or assistants, parking lot attendants, secretaries, car wash attendants or visiting constituents. If one compares the net worth of members of congress before and after being in office the average increase is probably not on average consistent with their salary. The seven deadly sins perhaps descend like a mantle of wickedness upon the spirit of those politicians sojourning through life via the U.S. Congress. One must hope they could in some way become better men and women; more pragmatic, more realistic, fair, creative and with a better public spirit.

The broadcast media reported that ‘new, explicit photos’ of the Congressman in a Capitol Hill gymnasium (in Greek the word meant, I believe, a place where men are naked because everyone went naked in the gymnasium) were published at an Internet site. I personally believe congresspersons generally should keep their clothes on in public places and not seek to get extra earnings with subscription only Internet office web cams even if their legislation is not of better quality than that produced by a million orangutans typing randomly for several sessions.

Remember the woman set free from stoning by the Lord, or the congressperson with the lampshade on and nothing else juggling oranges amidst a pile of small whiskey bottles at the reflecting pool and consider the principle of; ‘go forth and sin no more’ as a disposition on this matter if Wiener’s incorrigible twits can be limited to appropriate venues or eliminated altogether. If Weiner does not soon go altogether limp and give up he might experience congressionally sanctioned methods of torture such as Pavlovian waterboarding in the sort of stimulus-response loops congress regards as ethical when applied covertly and with plausible deniability, when ordinary political leadership excoriation fails to intimidate.

Livy wrote in his history of Rome of a Senator testifying who felt compelled to defend his loyalty to the Republic. He disrobed in front of the Senate and pointed out each of the numerous scars that he had received in battle as a Roman soldier explaining the origin of each and every one. Times are different today. Perhaps few Congresspersons and Senators would have scars to show before the membership.

In former times members of congress at least would haves scars of political battles to show. Happy warriors fought to accomplish worthwhile goals that improved the standard of living of all Americans without excluding the poor.

All Americans want to have the benefits of a good job, or to own a home, land or even a humble hut. The present congress has allowed foreign corporations and nations to purchase their acquiescence in globalism, fossil fuels and monetary policy. Because congress is mostly satiated, wealthy and without understanding of the issues creating poverty they have insufficient interest in solving them.

Several congress persons have said that Weinergate is a distraction that should be put behind them, and have called for Queen’s Congressman Weiner to quit, resign, ‘step down’ or become a political transvestite and run as a Massachusetts Republican.

If Congressman Wiener quits instead of being fired he may be ineligible for unemployment benefits. Extended unemployment benefits would be available at least through 2013 though, and many high paying jobs for the private sector may be created through congressional genius in the next two years so he shouldn’t worry about being one of more than 400,000 first time unemployment insurance applicants next week. Getting rid of the dead wood is an important principle of corporate management. The Congress has everything all planned out in advance for their 410 k’s, condo investments, mutual funds and etc. With quality job skill retraining the former congressman could be a computer guided sanitation engineer without insurance and a productive member of society without danger of congressional election recidivism.

Congress can only function effectively when not distracted by boom boxes, tapping of pencils, snapping of knuckles, numerous flies buzzing and/or Congresspersons in the news for putting too much of themselves in the news.

Some have said that since Congressman Weiner’s wife is pregnant he should act responsibly and quit his job. Others find potential new political issues and violations of the second and fourteenth amendments juxtaposed with litigation over school textbook revision regulations in support of demonstrating that the civil war was fought to end gay apartheid in Massachusetts, private property rights and free speech in dissent.

President Obama slipped down to visit Puerto Rico this week…the first President in a half century to visit the territory. We anticipate that he may investigate Alaska’s Brooks Range for Arctic Char fishing for a few days during the heat of the WeenieGate scandal.

I don’t usually watch television intentionally so I haven’t seen any salacious congressional pictures distracting the congressional ethics (an oxymoron I know) committee. I have no substantive information about what the Congressman’s relationship with the women permitted to view the congressional weenie was.

Did the congressman receive emails from fans asking him to show them more of himself? He should have had an I.Q. sufficient to realize that sending constituent weenie-vista twits isn’t a good idea. Yet with an I.Q. sufficiently high a Congressperson could swiftly balance the federal budget. The federal budget and economy have been imbalanced a very long time.

Some might wish to cast millions of barrels of oily balm upon troubled congressional waters-yet they’ve had enough of that already. Instead, maybe Rush Limbaugh could be called before a congressional committee to act like Hal Holbrook playing Mark Twain-to portray President Bill Clinton offering advice on lying to Congress and the painful process of recovery from the rare political illness of ‘lying addiction’.

Limbaugh’s imitation of Bill Clinton is simply the best available. Maybe the Weinergate scandal is comparable to the Lewinsky scandal a little-there were initially lies to protect a family in each instance, and Congressman Weiner’s wife now works for Bill Clinton’s wife in the U.S. State Department. Big Sister may be able to console ‘little sister’.

Congress might be less distracted if Limbaugh were to say “Monica, bring in a fat, juicy Havana”? They might be rolling in the aisles with laughter before going on vacation to some foreign islands for research at public expense. The Nobel Prize committee probably won’t be sympathetic and offer Oscar Meyer a peace prize for feeding the 5000 at the Illinois State fair to relocate the distraction.

Usually the Congress hums along at a peak efficiency rating getting a lot done. This is not a 4 m.p.g. congress but a 100 m.p.g. class of political theorists. Extending tax cuts for the rich last December only took the entire lame duck session, and the prior Obama health plan was also a model of efficient bi-partisan economic planning.

Though many of the nation’s poor will die or get dumped debt before finding free health care, litigation on the Obama Health bill constitutionality is expected to be completed as fast as that of remaining Exxon Valdez litigation issues.

The controversy over Congressman Wiener’s hot twits is the hot topic on the political grill and may remain so. Already opportunistic politicians have found the right side of the us vs. them to be on or agin.

As an 800 pound gorilla jumping upon desks in Congress, Mr. Wiener’s distracting has prevented the usual fast, competent processing of the nation’s political legislating work

The congressman has already sought professional help for his Internet sexting addiction. He has taken leave of presence from Congress for counseling at Madam Boofant’s Custom Psychiatric Advising Therapeutic Retreat of the Hills. These burgeoning businesses of the psychiatric-industrial complex may be in line for a couple trillion dollars of congressionally budgeted contracts for future counseling for veterans of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Some Congresspersons passing around photos pertaining of Weiner have decided that violating the American Civil Liberties Act to fire retardant on Weinergate distractions may not be necessary. The Congress may instead create an Internet amnesty box named ‘CongressTwits’ where any congressperson sending inappropriate twits, attachments or other uploads may send a copy for public viewing and be off the hook.

Secret Congressional protocols and Patriot Act blue-ribbon panel approved warrantless wireless taps have promulgated special digital photo dossiers of the Congressman’s ethical violations kept hidden from viewing by the general public previously in concern of creating foreign policy repercussions harmful to the security of global concentrations of wealth.

We learn that Congressman Wiener may resign after enlisting in the Army Intelligence Corps for two years of service in Afghanistan before discharge to return to run for the U.S. Senate in New York. The Congressman may also apply for admission to a class of 60% of the national population qualifying for congressionally approved psychiatric disorders and matching revenue sharing block grants (i.e. Internet exhibitionist syndrome).

Wiener may duke it out with the powerful minority leader Nancy Pelosi and allied feminine anti-chauvinists. Civil liberty issues of equal rights, jejune weenie roasts, birth control pips and freedom from discrimination may arise.

Though Wiener may be reassigned a small office far away from the Congressional chamber where he is ostracized and be prone to injury like a knee of Tiger Woods shooting from the rough, the Queens political bee’s knees search for political pollen may bear fruit in time leading to re-election. Voters sometimes like fighters more than quitters.

If the congress were to explain Internet sexting legal issues plainly, along with Internet taxation issues, Wienergate might have been a productive issue after all. Instead, as a vague ponderous clave of contract kickbacking legislators might prefer, the Congress wants to return to a chthonic mushroom factory torpor as soon as possible lest anyone notice they aren’t getting anything done to balance the federal budget, create full employment or free health care for the poor, restore the vitality of the ecosphere, structure a 50,000 man S.F. BOP military force for global rapid deployment, reduce the budget of D.O.D., stop all illegal entry to the U.S.A.