Government to Open When Democrats Get Word From 31/Atlas

Democrats have voted 14 times to keep the government closed and not pass a temporary funding measure because they haven't received the word from Interstellar Comet 31/Atlas party HQ yet to release the nation from the power of Thrall. The party is holding out until Republican submit and extend  snap benefits to poor dogs and cats.

  Thrall is the semi-dingus hegemon from the outer Oort belt providing free intelligence to select Democrat Party leaders. When the comet speaks Democrats listen. When the comet slithers closer to Jupiter, Thrall may decide he has held the world's attention long enough and let the government resume.