Five Easy Rube Goldberg Schemes to Achieve 2 Dollar Average National Gasoline Prices (humor)

Some of us feel that drilling deep in the Earth is truth, and especially at high latitudes and offshore. Those truth-challenged persons regarding carbon based fuels as less than perfection rightly are regarded as flakes. High gasoline prices are a certain way to retard U.S. economic growth measured by poor people with a jobs and plenty of quarters or not. Thus, heroic, medal of freedom deserving efforts by righteous oil men can deliver us from the doom of energy independence that is efficient energy design.

Costly gas supply increases demands for Hitler designed motor cars or Cheap Chinese low gas consumption vehicles or even Communist Party Electric vehicle imports, but that won't help either.Gas prices rise because the U.S. auto fleet gets worse gas mileage than it did in 1935 and a few billion more people want to use the same finite pool of oil resource for-themselves.

For decades the American left has said that all cultures have relatively the same values and that there is no right and wrong-'nothing to live or die for'. Now they have awakened and discovered that forcing the 2 dollar per gallon gas export way of life upon regimes oppressing women in order to bring the superior form of government-corporate-socialist democracy is necessary through the reason of predator drones and female jet aircraft warrior-bombers. Lying, cheating, stealing, homosexuality and abortion-values of the leader V.I. (Victory) Lenin, are superior cultural values the left realizes after all. Plainly it is necessary to discover new ways to lower gasoline prices to the all-important for the economy 2 dollah a gallon range.

Thus the need to reduce global gasoline demand-persuade the Chinese and Indians that global atmospheric circulation indicates that burning gasoline anywhere outside the U.S.A. will emit critical levels of warmth to specific scientific circuits capable of ending life as we know it.

Secondly, some have suggested taking over Libya with a puppet government to secure its gas fields then construct an undersea pipeline to Europe and across the Atlantic to Boston bringing much needed 2 dollar per gallon gasoline relief to New England patriots.

Thirdly, construct a hyper-dimensional gas pipeline branching at the distal end-using safe, advanced industry leading flexible pipeline technology to several moons of Jupiter and Saturn that have ample, proven hydrocarbon reserve oceans capable of producing 2 dollar per gallon gasoline if not obstructed by government regulation, red tape, and too-high income taxes on rich folks and those without a cow.

Fourthly, the development of Alaskan and 48 state oil fields will increase dramatically when either the price of gasoline reaches the critical 5 dollah per gallon threshold in accord with proven market forces of supply-demand, or synthetic Lennonist new-man model songs are developed yielding critical record profits to global oil corporations that will develop local chtonic puddles of gasoline with proven fragging and a fracting techniques besides reversing oppressive regulating laws of entropy to free up the market from oppressive forces of determinism.

Fifthly we see the glimmering hope of additional politically splendid prospects for subsidization of young, new, too big to fail banks, securitized mortgages and 100 dimensional derivatives, insurance for each American with federal and global tracking numbers to help reduce population and terminate fecundity at least temporarily wrecking expansion plans of a green winter economy; they can be used as models for borrowing a trillion dollars from the Chinese to bail out young, new, too big to have an alternate fuel infrastructure oil corporations so they can have double record profits and prove up the social benefits of deregulation.

In America the future is assured when foreign military corporations and former communist parties own mortgages, collect fees from networks and sell a remodeled Henry Ford product to the people with state of the art, modest, big production-small footprint annual inflation of fees in exchange for allegiance, loyalty and easy annual payments too numerous to pay. Complex new geometric calculus financial product theories too difficult for anyone besides investor sails reps with Harvard Law School degrees to understand will safely navigate investor capital through the shoals of democracy to offshore, tax-free banking ports.

Many of the poor and middle class in the U.S.A. will not be owning stock in New World Order, Post Mao-Mao Afric-China or India Bogupward Inc. (who may own their home mortgage at a variable rate of interest) nor even have a passel of illegal Mexican workers building a hacienda for them in Denver, and thus won't share in the profitable concentration of wealth.

As a special one-time offer, available for those most willing abroad to send small amounts of Internet cash to the Committee to Re-Elect the President, an insider report on the secret sixth sense of 2 dollah per gallon political technology tactics may be made available in limited quantities.

A secret study of the plan to install a generation of Moslem lesbian leaders in OPEC countries this special report has only leaked slowly dripping details through Eleatic paradoxes easily resolved with the differential and integral calculus developed back in the day. Rumored to be a lost predictive text manuscript of John Dee-adviser to queens and potentates, this is the best prospect for building a new pipeline full of 2 dollar per gallon gasoline, fully stocked refrigerators and shovel ready projects available today.

We learn from the Arctic Inuit people the model for energy efficiency. Americans as the least efficient home heating and cooling energy people on earth could learn much from the concepts of minimal energy use for heating-cooling homes of better design.Antipathetically, U.S.popular sentiment expresses the common sense notion that world resources and national liberty are infinitely renewable and non-depletable if a Lennonist new-atheist-man model is syncopated however. With the beat in time saving nine Dewian transformation education adaptations to those tone bars we may realize with confidence assurah of 2 dollah a gallon gas in the intermediate future.

With less government regulation there is a real prospect for 2 dollar per gallon gas out there (down the road next right or left) to get the economy moving.