The Clean Solution to 'Dirty' T.S.A. Airport Security Screening

The Clean Solution to ‘Dirty’ T.S.A. Airport Security Screening

There have been a variety of hypothetical remedies proposed to remove the filthy, pawing, invasive heavy hands of government T.S.A. security screenings at airports, virtually all of the ideas were useless. Psychological profiling that works for Israel will not work for Americans for example; after watching television and listening to the broadcast media they all have special issues. They have porous borders unlike Israel and are a socially polyglot people with craziness as a national norm. I will provide a better idea.

Free showers and air-dry for all boarding passengers-no clothing allowed (it goes through a chute in a basket to check for dirty underwear). In the changing rooms (one passenger at a time) initial computer security screening sniffs for explosives and bad-aft-odor-the close approximation of toe-jam footballs the late John Lennon noted in 'come together'.

Next is the three-minute shower and de-lousing, nothing worse for homeless people boarding a rare flight than to sit next to someone with too much talcum powder and perfume. When I was formerly a trainee Army Chemical specialist, perfume sometimes set off our chemical war detection equipment- beware the fruity smell for it may be fatal.

Leaving the three minute shower, moving into the clean air drying room, the long wavelength naked body inspection equipment built into the walls allows a computer-not a human, to examine the passenger for anything besides nakedness. In fact if the T.S.A. was not cheap it would incorporate some sort of free, health screening equipment into the body imaging so an individual could get some free health benefit.

Each of the four cleaning and processing stations the passenger passes through will weigh the passenger in order that the final dressing room weight will verify that nothing was hidden. Passengers will also be told if they are obese, just fat, smartly fit or pathetically undernourished.

The entire screening process time per passenger should take under 15 minutes. Yet cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Plainly the water should be recycled and purified and ultraviolet light should clean the showers of contaminating disease. An expedited procedure would allow the passengers to emerge naked and be given free use of a flight-suit ensemble jumpsuit to where until arrival when their clothing would be returned. There can be noxious fumes in clothing worn for several hours in some of our fellow air travelers.

I fly at least once a decade or two and hope that next time I go into the friendly skies the government, homosexual touchy feely era is over with the T.S.A., that no passenger has the affluent body odor and travel flatulence, and that the terrorists leave their plastic explosives (a solid not a gel), in the amnesty box outside the airport.