Last Waffle in Paradise

 {The names and places in this story have been changed to protect political parties and bear no resemblance to anyone living, dead or free of public debt}

An all-electric dune buggy raced through the hot darkness of Faracopa County transport ten pounds of product across the desert. A ten-thousand dollar camouflaged drone would laterally pass through the starry night sky close to the ground bringing the package to another silent electric desert buggy heading to the city. The Waffle Shop light shined in the darkness. Parked outside were the transport platforms of the schooled board.

“We cannot have K through 12 literature full of sex cosplay and propaganda for homo-trans conversions. Reading, writing and arithmetic need be the plain meat for education of youth. Our screwls are failing with national average scores slipping backward relative to the advance of nations with school curricula focused on sound fundamentals.” The head of the board took a bite from a strawberry syrup waffle and chewed thoughtfully. His raving needed therefore to cease and several board members looked relieved.

“An interesting point”, said his primary opponent setting down his fork temporarily next to link sausages, hash-browns and a broken over-easy egg that sent a flow of yellow yolk across his plate; ”You have failed to consider history. We might well keep sex out of math, reading and writing courses, yet history must have sex and violence. The latter may be deleted from history texts and replaced with homo/transsexual history with special attention to the oppression of all Americans by straight white colonial males. The fourth of July has yet to be re-branded Queen Happiness Day. With arduous effort we may progressively achieve our goal of liberating the youth of tomorrow from subjugation to white male brainwashing.”

The drug transporters arrived at the store quietly while the head of the board choked on a piece of waffle. The chairman replied spitting out bits of waffle;

“I have a plan for history that will make student of every race content with our history instruction. White people will have books with white covers, black people will have books with black covers, Mexicans will have books with brown covers, Asians with yellow covers and aboriginals red covers. The White book will describe how the white people descended from heaven aboard a golden transistor ship girding their loins with FORTRAN and COBOL to bring the gospel of technology and sugar plum faeries to all of the lost tribes of India. Blacks will learn from the Black book how they rescued starving whites thieving like a plague in the Whatcodebia metroplex who tricked them into boarding slavery induction ships where they were bar coded and trafficked to the U.S.A. to be tortured as slaves and made sex objects until Martin Luther King freed them with a revolutionary dream of enslaving white men judging them all on the basis of color of skin since the content of their character was judged wicked so they went back to Europe where they came from. Asians will learn from the Yellow book how they were lured from jobs designing quantum entanglement machines in the Middle Kingdom with promises of good wages building a trans-continental railroad from San Francisco to Boston and when they completed it were killed and buried in a mass grave in Cambridge. Mexicans will learn how the U.S Government enslaved them to opioids and crystal meth so they could be ruled by drug cartels and become non-threatening to corporate executives. Therefore Mexicans fled to their former homelands of Califlower, Heirazona and the District of Cortez where they were coerced and human trafficked into wage slavery far below minimum wage, jailed and forbidden to vote in the U.S.A. yet eventually overcame gringos with cultural assimilation bringing gringos to understand the power of burrito and supremacy of taco.

Indians in the Little Red book will learn how conquistadors of the H.M.S. ships Avarist, Rapacious, the Alien landed at the District of Cortez and seized them to disclose where the gold was before expropriating all of their villages through eminent domain rules of law. They were given 24 plague infested blankets and coins with George Washington water-boarding captives in compensation. After their calvary lost the final battle at the Little Big Horn the people were frog marched to concentration camps by an elite, sadistic S.A. under Grupenfuhrer Cussed. The philosophy of history must be taken seriously yet like a good restaurant, everyone should get what they want from it.”

The board vice-chair looked thoughtfully at the chairman and said nothing. A vast right wing conspiracy riddled the store with hyper-sonic sugar based, water soluble glue shattering the peace of the intellectual clave. The police department believed they saw a drug trafficking NAACP associate enter the store, inferring his trafficking because of the sighting of a busted left tail light on a Porsche convertible. They believed a shot was fired from inside the store and responded proportionately with 7000 pounds of glue from a glue cannon appearing from the trunk of a police cruiser. Shortly before the sad incident an actual drug trafficker had taken her waiting food order and scooted away downtown in a silent electric engine powered desert buggy. At least the last waffle of the chairman was memorably tasty before the lights went out.

Epilogue

Within four years the school board and public school educators were replaced by artificial intelligence systems to provide one to one student-teacher ratios and to save tax dollars from cash strapped governments with vast public debt. An A.I. teacher installed from a thumb drive with several petabytes of data or downloaded cost $100. The A.I. teacher suite had encyclopedic knowledge of hundreds of academic subjects and pedagogical methods becoming ubiquitous like new versions of Windows, Linux Mint, Ubuntu or Debian. Each install could simultaneously process and instruct thirty students individually. Students had the opportunity to at least choose what accent they wanted their A.I. to have in English, Spanish, Chinese, Vietnamese, Spanish, Russian, French and other languages. Former teachers had the consolation of knowing that most of the white collar jobs in the United States, and telemarketers globally would soon be replaced by artificial intelligence. That was especially useful in tax collections and auditing where accuracy and speed of processing was incomparable more efficient with A.I. than humans. Students had the down side of learning that though their education was greatly improved they would have no jobs awaiting them in an economy structured along traditional, non-environmental economic consumer lines. Even computer programming code writing would eventually become a task accomplished in-c.p.u. by A.I.