Colonel (ret.) Acronymous Ham disclosed his plan to conquer the courtroom legal business with Artificial Intelligence lawyer programs housed in glowing red and blue spheres a foot in diameter that could be rented and carried to courtrooms to represent the poor and downtrodden yearning for good legal representation.
Ham franchise lawyers would make speed-of-light legal motions and objections in the courtroom drawing on a vast legal database and with additional wireless access to a Ham law supercomputer supervisor. Each destitute client represented by a public defender would find more expedient assistance as Ham globes make their way into the public defender lawyer rotation
Apparently gaming computers with serial, parallel high speed processors can be repurposed with newer A.I. chips and software to become Perry Masons on steroids,and given high quality speech synthesizer voices with variable speeds,and in some cases, wonderful soundtracks that appear when they are in the midst of great, incisive, revelatory, exculpatory speeches to a jury.
The Colonel explained that globe lawyers would have a convenient carrying handle, high quality optical cameras, motion sensors and live data base dossiers on all relevant court personnel including case histories and decisions of judges
Colonel Ham said that he got his operations paradigm from Wal-mart automatic self-check out lines and it was his hope that Wal-mart was slow at stocking made-in China A.I. lawyers on its shelves. The Colonel felt that he would not be able to make a profit if A.I. lawyers were sold below his rental price of $19.95.
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