Satire Interview-Mr. Ed Says to Bring Crime Out of the Shadows

An interview with Mr. Ed-the ultimate Washington insider, usually brings a load of horse sense to difficult hot-button political issues. Lately the buzzword phrase for rationalizing dubious legislation is that it will bring it out of the shadows. I wondered what Mr. Ed-the real Mayor of Realville, thought of that.

Expert interviewer; Mr Ed, besides illegal immigration, dope smoking and homosexuality, what other matters in politics should be brought out of the shadows, or to think of it, should remain in the shadows?

Mr. Ed; I have been chewin it over lately and think crime should be brought out of the shadows. If it weren't criminal anymore it wouldn't cost nothin to fix it or correct it saving a lot of tax dollars.

E.I.;Interesting.

Mr. Ed; You betcha. When tax evasion is brought out of the shadows and made legal there will be a lot more tax payers. When organized crime is brought out of the shadows the only underworld will be those opposed to the former mob made legit. They just wants a piece of the action.

E.I.; Possibly it is so.

Mr. Ed; Ain't no possibility about it. If child molestation is brought out of the shadows new production of special child-like robots in Silicon Boob Valley fine for molesting and photographin can stimulate the wallpaperin business and get tax revenue for bureaucrats-that sort of thing is already over-subject to government regulation.

E.I.; Anything else?

Mr. Ed; Well you could make robbery legal ending the problem of theft and simultaneously changing the way people think about vast federal debt. Newt Spangle's Inverse logic economics entirely nullifies traditional concepts of public debt, makin debt a public good.

E.I.; Some would disagree.

Mr Ed;They don't have that libertarian spirit-let wild horses run free! Think about bringin government corruption out of the shadows and makin it legal. Government lawyers and cops and judges would be freed up to get pay increases with bribes over-the-table and honest government by the highest bidders would bring truth to the people.

E.I.; Out of the shadows is a compelling concept.

Mr. Ed; In the shadows the will of the people is repressed, dank and deep. Bringing quickie hangings after a due moment in court on the nearest lamppost would satisfy the repressed desire for justice that burns in the hearts of some and light up some lives.

E.I.;Sure Mr. Ed, you can never be too liberal in bringing things out of the shadows.

Mr. Ed; Machine guns and honest anarchy ought to liberate the folks. Haven't you ever wanted to gun down some fellow giving you the evil eye or burn down the mission district?

E.I.; Well, I try to keep that in the shadows.

Mr. Ed; Exactly! That's just what's wrong with the world.

E.I.; Thank you for the opinions. Next week we shall return to ask you about the underemployment and unemployment issues.

Mr. Ed; I'll be chewin it over.