Two
savants living beneath an underpass were roasting batter coated
shrimp-dogs over a flaming oil drum and discussing the sorry plight
of former N.F.L. quarterback star Colin Kapernikus.
“If the lights had stayed out for the
third quarter too in the Superbowl he couldda been mort than a
contenda.”
“He wasn't that bright in th first
half. Neva could have got as close as they did without the lights
goin out during halftime.”
“They always said that you should
take whateva job you can get after finishing college instead of
waiting for the ideal quarterback position to open up.”
“Like waiting for Tom Bl ady to bite
it and quit the Boston Stranglers”.
“Yeah, like dat. Kapernikus quit the
San Franciscolds to mislead a protest boovement durink natural anthem
singings across the nation. He wonders about the troubles getting
hired to lead protest movements for a loke-all NFL team.”
“I
know for sure he could get a job at Labor Minders. They have a test
that even an NFL quarterback could pass.”
“What sort of test?”
“Its their job safety exam. Questions
that aren't essays are multiple choice.”
“Such as?”
“OK. Question one; There are five
pictures of tools. Select the tool thats is used for driving a nail.
The tool pictures are of a saw, a measuring level, a hammer, and a
grapefruit.”
“That isn't too easy. I remember when
the offensive tackle Big Animal Cracker used a grapefruit to drive a
nail. It was too horrible; shattered the Rust Belt Bowl halftime show
like a storm.
“Most people would choose the hammer.
Arguing that a grapefruit isn't a tool would get a flunk for being
argumentative and a less than ideal employee prospect.”
“What about arguing that there
weren't five tools?”
“That would get you promoted to
security.”
“Colin
Kapernikus has a few choices then. I think the best one would be to
sign with the CFL Manitobiwan
Maulers
to prove he still has it.”
“Has what?”
“The ability to be another somewhat
black quarterback able to win the Canadian Football League title."
"No one will ever notice. Music, opiods and football are the opium of the masses, and that's enough for one day."
"You neither I think since there hasn't been a day you weren't intoxicated since marijuana was legalized."
"No one will ever notice. Music, opiods and football are the opium of the masses, and that's enough for one day."
"You neither I think since there hasn't been a day you weren't intoxicated since marijuana was legalized."
