Fact Checking; "It Takes a Village" (Utopia)

 Was village life the compassionate conservative Utopia it is sometimes held by liberals to be? Villages did have muddy streets with Neo-feral pigs running amok about them eating whatever they could find. Outhouse were often within walking distance unlike modern urban areas where one need walk a mile to find a Starbucks with toilets that can be utilized for the purchase of a seven-dollar mochafrappe.

  Village life in European locales allowed accountant free peasant living since the local Nobel owned the land and crops produced by countless hours of toil and sweat. Women’s rights to labor in the home annually during their reproductive years followed the ecstatic pleasure of the Nobel taking first use of a newly wed wife on the wedding night followed by a few decades of servicing the oaf.

  Peasants received free military service opportunities with rival Nobels often being at war. Nobel lands were bucolic settings for the original cores of Hatfields and McCoys. Student loans were forgiven a priori for peasants because they received no education besides practical free on the job training in careers servitude swine herding, haying, mucking stables and such for the Nobel. Peasants in Utopian primitive communism shared equally in starvation during lean times when the Nobel’s wars cost the peasant’s winter food supplies in taxes to finance. The Lord Jesus was nearly stoned and thrown from a cliff in his own home village. Swift prosecution of non-conformist ideas with death by villagers saved the public the exorbitant costs of appellate judicial review.

Occasionally bouts of bubonic plague were liberally compensated with no-cost burials for villagers. Foreign imports weren’t much of a problem in not much existing with copious tariffs on goods costing fewer than 800 quid snipping that sort of direct trade off by the balls. Nobels knew the wisdom of stopping villagers from engaging in direct trade with foreign producers that cut out the Nobel middlemen that owned big table retailers.

Conclusion; Village life was somewhat Utopian although it was mostly village idiots that believed it smoking dope for aesthetic relativism.