Dope Smokin, Cheatin W.M.D. Officers Purged From Montana Missile Base

Thirty odd military officers of uncertain service branch orientation were purged by internal security forceps from a Montana weapons of mass destruction base when sensitivity trainers determined that cheating was being done on readiness testing. We have learned that the military officers succumbed to reefer madness in the line of duty. It is vital to the nation’s security that if a foreign or domestic enemy launches missiles upon innocent people of Boston or Washington D.C. that military officers of uncertain branch orientation aren’t doin stuff like sayin “Don’t Bogart that joint, pass it to me” while they is supposed to be launching missiles at the missiles passing overhead or wherever they were comin from even when the President’s team has the football on the golf course and the launch codes can’t be sent or found on the Internet.

Washington insiders concerned too much with rogue, stoned military officers launching missiles on Washington D.C. from Montana bases in order to play a practical joke and say ‘this is only a test of the emergency launching system’ have considered outsourcing missile operations to private contractors. In order to defeat regressive forces of bigotry and hate the administration points to FSD, a U.A.E. company owned by Sunni royals operating the national rail transporter handling most of the freight of the U.S.A. If a quality cheap Sunni fundamentalist firm were given the weapons of mass destruction missile operations contract the cost savings over ten years would be 4 billion, nine-hundred and eighty dollars and twenty four cents.

On a related point administration positive optimism inflection gurus say that scientific research has determined that even though matter can only be changed into another form and not destroyed, weapons of mass destruction have converted matter to anti-matter technically sort of qualifying as weapons of mass destruction in addition to thinks like rot, mildew and Wall Street scams that destroy social structures as well as physical structures. They warn that the Republican Party technically qualifies too as weapon of mass de-structurin of democrat policy and homojudiciary enhancement.

A popular late-night radio show informed us that the administration had been working closely with tall-white-contract-mongering-aliens from another Universe who can account for the missing mass of this Universe. An alien insider known only as ET said that higots of Earth forced it to move from Roswell to a basement apartment below Area 51. Protestirs of administration policies of positive economic inflection are the enemy at the gates howling for precious green bodily fluid, yep that enemy, holding the picket signs that say; E.T. Go Home!